For the ten months we lived in Florida, we used a router box for our TV entertainment which meant getting only Fox, CW, a local channel that only played news or infomercials, and four channels of Christian programming. Depending on how I turned the rabbit ears and the wind velocity, I could occasionally get ABC and two NBC channels (including that one plays the Olympics). Now that I am in NC, and in an apartment with free cable, or as my daughter refers to it “hotel TV”, I can pick up my obsession with my favorite soap opera: The Weather Channel.

I am obsessed with the Weather Channel family. I love to see how they torture Mike Seidel, the doughy baby brother. Doesn’t he get the worst assignments? It is like God himself likes screwing with him. And I love watching big brother Jim “Weather Makes Me Hard” Cantore foam at the mouth when he watches Mike get pounded by winds. “Well, Mike, I wish I was where you are, brother,” he says, hiding his contempt for WC producers. Ubermale Jim with his bald head and fake bake looks like a hot dog on steroids. I believe he is behind all the pregnancies on that show: Bette Davis, Kelly Cass, Vivian Brown, especially Alexandra Steele’s. Considering her presumed anorexia, only the Ubermale could accomplish that task. His sperm has survived a Cat 5. My presumption is confirmed every time they share the desk. She can’t even look at him. It’s sooo good. Perhaps it was just hormones, but one broadcast they looked more like the Freezmiser and Heatmiser throwing lightening bolts at each other. Poor Mike Bettes, Mr. Transition, had to practically soft shoe to compensate.

But the real All About Eve story is Mike Bettes twin sister, Stephanie Abrams. Stephanie comes across as the female Jim Cantore with her cheerleader “Isn’t this exciting!” approach to weather. I enjoyed watching producers make her over from geeky big toothed little sister to hair straightened Harlow in “wow, when did she get those?” outfits. Much to Alexandra’s chagrin, in a very short time she has gone from being slapped by horizontal rain to being slapped by Al Roker, putting Marshal Cease, the Patriarch, to pasture. Don’t let her perky disposition fool you; she’s the new Paula Zahn.  But she is irresistible, isn’t she? She’s the little sister we can’t help but love and the other anchorettes can’t help but hate. It is great TV. Mike Bettes is so lucky he came out of the WC womb when she did. Forget Days of Our Lives, this is drama.