I have learned to rate vacations like Nora Ephron movies. Sure there may be a few bad moments, but as a whole, was it good? Now that it is over, I can officially say that despite our bumpy start, our vacation was a success. {New Rule #4, (see Rules of Adventure) never jinx a trip by saying mid way through “things are going very well”} I couldn’t write during vacation because our computer blew up the first day on the trip. Instead of freaking out, I took that as a sign from God (also see R.O.A.) that I was not to write, but to relax on this trip. Should I also it take as a sign from God that we shouldn’t move to Alabama since while we were there someone used Coke to scrape the Obama sticker off our car and kicked in our bumper? Perhaps, but Gulf Shores as a whole showed much more hospitality than those redneck vandals.

In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how the week would unfold. Rafael began the trip with a sore throat and cold, but by day two it faded away. We arrived at our condo and discovered another tenant, Tropical Storm Claudette. But again, a near miss: winds broke the table on the balcony and the whipping rain kept us inside, but for only one day. I had enough finger paint to entertain the four toddlers and enough tequila to entertain the five adults.

China Doll, who is a walking accident, only fell a few times: the first on the smooth, flat sidewalk outside Cracker Barrel, which caused the major knee scrape now present in every picture we have, and the last while doing the limbo at The Hangout. Leave it to her to limbo right into the pole holder, thus knocking the entire thing over. The game and music were stopped and the humiliation caused China Doll to drop to her knees and bury her face in her hands. But she regrouped and everyone cheered as she shook it off and tried again.

The biggest bullet we dodged was having six straight days of drama free restaurant experiences. Normally, when I walk into a restaurant with kids everyone looks at me as if I have a bomb strapped to my chest. I can hear the wait staff whispering out loud, “Don’t sit them by me…. Don’t sit them by me…” followed by diners saying “Don’t sit them by us… Don’t sit them by us…” But in Gulf Shores, restaurants were full of kids. Hell, one restaurant, LuLu’s, had a massive sand pile with toys! It is amazing how my attitude changes when I can enjoy a Cadillac margarita with hubby and listen to a live band while our kids happily bury themselves in sand.

Consequently, just before we discovered the sand pile, hubby asked me, “Will we ever get to relax on a vacation again?” “Nope,” I replied, “Which is probably why families only do it once or twice a year”. Let’s be honest. You can’t relax in the pool because you are watching them, you can’t relax on the beach because you are watching them, you can’t fully partake in the BOGO happy hour because you are watching them, you can’t enjoy your food because you are watching them, you can’t take a long, hot shower because they are watching you. But that is what we signed up for, right?

For six days in a row, instead of sleeping in like I am supposed to do on vacation, I was up at 600am walking the beach with Rafael. (Damn that time change) Each morning with swollen eyes, I choked down lobby coffee in hopes of acquiring even a fraction of her energy. One morning, a woman searching for shells passed Rafael and said, “My, you’re up early.” “Isn’t she?” I said. “Well, soon they will be 21 and then… you’ll never get them out of bed,” she said, motioning up to her balcony. I laughed. After she passed, Rafael squealed because she discovered a crab darting into the sand. At about the same time, the sun peeked up over the horizon. My eyes still looked like marshmallows, but my brain was beginning to whir. Sure vacations from now on will be full of moments of exhaustion and frustration, but those will be overshadowed by moments of relaxation and exhilaration, and that makes family vacations as a whole, worth it.