My husband just expressed his wish to go on an exploratory family adventure to visit the southern states in consideration for the next job transfer. I should feel daunted about the trip, but after surviving a tumultuous three day journey from Illinois to Colorado last summer with a fourteen month old and a three year old, I have no fear. That boot camp taught us through trial and error what it takes to make our trips relatively painless.

First and foremost, we never drive without a hotel already booked and we only book hotels through the "Name Your Price" option on Priceline.com. That trip was our first foray into bargain country and we have never returned. The obvious reason is the ridiculous savings. We have never stayed in a 4 star hotel for more than 65.00 a night. We have even paid as low as 45.00. But, the main reason for using Priceline is that the adrenaline rush of staying in a swanky room with Bath and Body Works amenities in the bathroom and Starbucks coffee in the lobby for nothing makes us feel deliriously victorious. When you are driving with toddlers who are not designed to be sedentary for 8 hour segments, it helps if you and your spouse start the day with a fist pound.

Secondly, we pack an extra suitcase full of a sense of humor. We were about to cross the Colorado border when, looking in the rear view mirror, I noticed my 15 month old had a messy orange substance all over her hands. She was eating White Cheddar Cheez-its at the time, but I didn’t remember giving her dip. A quick pull over at the visitors’ center was the beginning of a series of stops to clean up her continuous, explosive diarrhea. Just before we reached Wild Horse, CO, we had to pull over for another clean up. While our daughter lay prone on top of luggage in the back of our Prius, unexpected hail and rain began to pummel us as we fought to clean up the Pollock painting on her body. "Are you kidding?" my hubby said, looking up at the sky. It felt like we were in a Japanese game show. I looked over my right shoulder in time to notice that a few miles in the distance a tornado had formed and was spinning its way toward a small town. We started to panic. The hail and cold rain was slowing our progress, we had no more clean clothes for her, and we were yelling at each to hurry up when suddenly, "CRACK!" Lightening struck a bush across the road and it immediately burst into flames. I have never put that kid in her car seat faster. Soaked to the bone, shaking, and shocked, we looked at each other and began laughing hysterically. Just as the constant stops were becoming a pain in our ass, clouding our outlook, a little act of God put everything back into perspective. Which brings me to our last travel rule.

When traveling with children, we openly accept help from God. My hubby is a pastor magnet. Where ever he travels, he sits next to a pastor. I have never been more thankful for this coincidence than when we stupidly decided to take the hour long, painfully slow tram up to Pikes Peak with toddlers. Having a pastor and his family sitting next to us kept us from killing each other. Literally. Well, that and the pastor’s wife’s stash of suckers. I am sure God sent those people to help us get through those two grueling hours {when suckers get dropped and roll down the dirty floor of a steeped train, they are no longer helpful} and to teach us to be practical about our choices. I also learned to keep a bag of Dum Dums with me for emergencies. Thanks, God! When we passed a sign in nowhere cattle country that bragged "World’s Oldest Carousel", we stopped. Not only was it a really cool carousel, but the tiny, tiny town had an incredible fortress park that wore out the kids. We drove in silence for the next three hours. Thanks, God! When I was stuck in line at a McDonald’s bathroom at a truck stop, I took the time to look around me and noticed a woman wearing incredibly cool shoes. Since my kids shoes had been ruined on the trip, I dared to ask what they were and if they made kids shoes. My family has been wearing those shoes ever since. {They are Keen shoes BTW and are amazing for protecting kids toes, are indestructible, waterproof, earth friendly, and incredibly comfy www.keenfootwear.com/ can always find them on sale online}. Thanks, God!

I know we will be adding to this list of rules with each adventure, but surviving boot camp boosts travel confidence. As we plan this trip for Saturday, I am realistic and expect the unexpected, but in some sick and twisted way, I am looking forward to it. If we start the day with a good nights sleep, a fist pound, a Starbucks, a new DVD and a little prayer, there should be nothing we can’t handle.