At the end of my daughter’s session at My Gym, the “coaches” were building up the grand finale but I wasn’t really paying any attention. I caught a glimpse of the mats they placed on their side, making an open tunnel, but then returned my focus to my youngest who was bringing me blocks. Suddenly, the lights went out and a children’s version of the Halloween theme song, you know, Jamie Lee Curtis Halloween theme song, played overhead. “WTF?” I thought. Then, from a back door emerged a man in a blue, terry cloth, ‘My Gym’ robe, wearing green, rubber monster hands, a scary, green, alien mask and a pink, feather boa. “WTF!?!” I stared in amazement as the 3 ½ to 4 year olds started to turn white.

The coach yelled over the music, “Okay every one! When I call your name, I want you to run through the maze while the tickle monster tries to tickle you. Your goal is to get away from him! Okay, Amber, you’re up!” Amber was paralyzed, as was Jeremy, Diego and all the other children. More than one started to cry. I tried as hard as I could to figure out what running from an alien drag queen had to do with hand eye coordination, but came up with nothing. I began to pray with all my might that my daughter, who asked to be called Rafael the ninja turtle all through class, would run up to him and “Hiya!” him in the balls. Instead, she ran on the outside of the maze to safety. Afterwards at Baskin Robbins, the only place I go to calm down after alien invasion, she said, “What was up with the green guy?” “I have no idea.” I said. “Great. Now I’m going to have a night mare because that guy dressed up.” She’s not the only one.